As a freshman in college, I had yet to begin dating. In my mind I was going to meet the right man and marry him and I wouldn't have to date a bunch of different guys. I would get it right the first time and the Lord would bless me because I wanted to honor Him. At the age of 18 I was ready to be a wife! (Or so I thought.) I started dating a guy who was in my high school graduating class and who also attended the same church that I did. I can honestly say now that I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. Less than a month later, it was over (although I'm not really sure what "it" was). Not too many months later, I started dating a guy I met while serving in the youth ministry at my church. A few months after we met, I KNEW that this time it was serious. In my little fairytale, he was going to take over when the youth pastor retired someday and I would get to be a pastor's wife and then we would live happily ever after. Things ended up changing drastically in the youth department at our church and the guy I was dating decided to attend a different church. He wanted me to attend to because the teaching was Gospel centered, with the emphasis always being placed on the Bible.
I was reluctant to go and try a new church after having been at my church for seven years and I told him that I would not go. I was so angry because this was not my plan (yeah, I was having major pride problems). I was so angry at this other church and decided that no matter what I would NEVER go there. Things ended up changing in our youth ministry even more than I ever would have expected and I decided that it was time for me to move on an find a different church. So, about three months after avidly refusing to attend the other church I found myself walking through it's doors one Sunday morning in August 2010. A week later, after dating for a year, and seeing that things were not working out between us, the guy I was dating and myself decided that things had to end. I'm sad to say that I was idolizing my relationship and at this point I was devastated. I was not sure what to do with my life. I wanted to get away from the life I had been living. I wanted to move away and have a fresh start. I looked online for jobs that would provide me with money to do so. I had been working the same job since I was a junior in high school and with no hopes of a raise or benefits in the future, I knew I had to start looking elsewhere. I had been job hunting for about a year when I found an open position working at a school where a man who had been one of my teachers in high school worked. The man who had been my teacher also happened to be a member of the church I had recently begun attending. I decided to apply for the job, not really expecting to hear back. About two days later I got an e-mail to set up my interview time and about a week later, I had a new job that paid much more. Praise God for His blessing in my life! At this time, Christ drastically worked in me and changed me greatly. I was initially apprehensive about attending a church where I only knew two people. I would argue with myself on Sunday morning and battle thoughts such as, "Why don't you just turn around? You don't really belong here." I was tired of who I had been though. I no longer wanted to be the shy girl or the girl who sat on the sidelines. I decided to stay at the church which was new for me. I was used to leaving situations that became uncomfortable or inconvenient. The guy I had been dating ended up marrying another woman at our church and . . . I love her! I mean we aren't best friends, but they are my brother and sister in Christ and she is a much better fit for him anyway (obviously). I took me a long time to learn to forgive and make peace and to show grace, even to myself. I am now beyond privileged to serve on staff for the high school ministry at my church alongisde an amazing family of believers. I desire to one day (Lord willing soon) be a wife and stay at home mom. Until that time comes, I am living with undivided devotion to the Lord and pursuing Christ daily. My life didn't all of a sudden become easier with Christ, which I find is a common misconception, but it did become better than I could ever ask for. I am His daughter saved by Him for His glory. He didn't have to save me, but out of love and mercy He chose to. I am not perfect, but through Christ in me I am able to repent of my sin, be forgiven and be made more like Him each day.
Love,
Lolo
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